Review Batch 3

Hey guys, sorry I was gone so long, I was getting one really long manicure and thinking about stuff cause I’m deep and interesting!

Fire – Fire, you’re awesome because, without you, I’m pretty sure we wouldn’t be able to have TV or smores. I’m really glad you’re around, but you’re too close, and I don’t really dig that sort of thing, I’m kind of in the middle of a breakup and I’m not digging you being all up in my space some times.

But when you’re mad holy crap. Why are you so mad sometimes? Like all of the sudden I’m sweeping and being a great human being, and you’re literally covering all of my things with you it’s gross, and I think we should take a break from each other.

Fire, be like ice and chill out!

The Real MVP
The Real MVP

Miami Fire Department – Thanks guys for saving me. It was really nice when I had my panic faint that I could wake up in your super strong arms. You guys are all dressed really fashionably, and I respect that and without you, I’m pretty sure a lot of people wouldn’t have jobs, but more people wouldn’t have homes #deep.

That being said, is there anyway you can turn down your trucks any? It’s very loud when I’m around you guys and sometimes I’m trying to have some of my Bieber fever, and you make it very hard for me to listen to his voice when you turn those sirens on!

You guys are amazing, now stop yelling at me.

SAFE Inc – You guys, are amazing and without your super cool alarm system, I probably would have died at least once. You have nondescript set ups, and I dig that because I hate having stuff be obvious especially when it’s in my home, and it’s super annoying.

That being said, can you get a new name? Why not DANGEROUS or something? And also, hey what’s up with the call capitalization in your name, are you judging me or something?

SAFE? Stop being so WEIRD!

Orville Ridiculous
Orville Ridiculous

Ritz Carlton – Wow hey again, you guys are the real heroes of this crazy event in the life of Tina. Where would I be if at the end of the day I couldn’t snuggle up in your gorgeous beds? The sheets just perfect, the mattresses just pillowy enough. 10/10 would be in a fire with you guys.

IF there’s anything bad I can say about you guys, it’s that your name is hard to spell when there’s soot on my brand new iPhone 7. I know a guy, so I got it early, and I didn’t like that it kept taking my picture instead of taking me to that steak salad!

Ritz Carlten! I still can’t do it right! – Sent from my iPhone

Special Review: Orville Reddenbachers – You should make it EXTRA clear that it’s supposed to be 30 seconds and not 30 minutes. Sincerely, Tina. You guys owe me a vacation house.

If you guys have any complaints, concerns or questions be sure to redirect it to your foreheads!

Kkthnxbai, Tina.

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Tina C

Tina C

Tina Capo is writing top level reviews for everything that she experiences in her life. She has grown up in between Florida and New York with her mother and father. She has a Pomeranian named Mittens and a goldfish named Tupac.
Tina C

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